A few tips to having a loving marriage with your spouse and raising happy kids.
Balancing married life with kids could be really tasking for couples and could put a strain on the close relationship you once had with your significant other before the kids came rolling in.
Lori Lowe of YourTango lists a few tips to having a loving marriage with your spouse and raising happy kids too.
Identify and express your needs to one another (kindly): This requires strong communication skills. It does no good to accuse your spouse of prioritizing the children over you, particularly if you are not helping with their daily care. However, most spouses respond well to comments made in love such as, "I miss spending time with you." Or, "I miss the talks we used to have." Expressing one’s feelings using "I" language is much better than accusatory language using "you" as in, "You never put my needs first." Keeping your feelings and needs from your spouse only increases your distance.
Find time each day to reconnect and communicate about non-child matters: My husband and I have recently begun taking 15 minutes after dinner to talk together in our sun room. We ask the children to play or read on their own for that short amount of time. (The youngest is still learning to not interrupt us. The oldest finds it helpful to set a timer.) Find a time in your day that works for you. It’s amazing how a short time each day can help you feel reconnected. Light conversation about your day is ideal. Complaining or criticizing during this sacred time will only discourage your spouse from wanting to spend time together. I got this idea from William Doherty’s Take Back Your Marriage, which has other helpful tips about putting your marriage first.
Get creative about time you spend together: Many of us have difficulty scheduling traditional date nights due to lack of childcare of time. (I’m in this camp, too.) If you have time for things like TV, reading, shopping, home projects, hobbies or sports, then you have time to invest in your marriage. My husband and I have minimized the amount of TV we watch. When we have a favorite show, we watch together, making an event of it. When we need childcare, we often swap with a close friend or family member who also needs childcare. Sometimes, we send the kids to bed a bit early so we can have a glass of wine, sit by the fire, watch a movie or hang out. When the kids are in school, we try to have lunch dates instead of dinner dates so childcare is not required.
Meet each other’s needs outside the marriage: Exercise or time spent individually with friends can also benefit the family. Don’t expect your spouse to meet all your needs. Help cover one another at home so these rejuvenating activities can take place.
Treat each other like husband and wife (not mom and dad): This includes touching and showing affection during the day, and making time for intimacy—sexual, emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. Remember, you can hire cleaning help, you can send the ironing out, you can order a pizza for dinner, and you can even hire a babysitter. But there is no one else who you want to meet your spouse’s intimate needs.
Make decisions together: We allow our kids to choose one sport per season, in addition to piano lessons. We would veto certain sports if they required too much time. During summer, we curtail most of their regular activities. If your lives revolve around sporting events, it's time to scale back. Free time to enjoy being a family is so important to bonding. We often escape to a lake cottage where TV and computers are absent and board and water games are plentiful. This change in routine helps us de-stress and learn how to have fun again. But this time is only possible when we limit our other commitments. Children require a substantial investment of our time, attention and resources, but, in return, fill our lives with joy that can’t be measured. However, parents must not lose their relationship in the midst of the overwhelming nature of parenting.
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