Unfortunately, when you are busy counting your misfortunes and your unhappy love life, it is next to impossible to make yourself or your partner happy.
On the other hand, research shows that for couples who make it, gratitude is the royal road to happiness. Studies show that healthy couples practice appreciation, which leads to gratefulness. Because they are focused on blessings, they enjoy their lives together much more than those who focus on what’s wrong.
I know, I know, YOU need to be appreciated, cherished, and loved up. You may be dealing with a partner who is clueless, mean, distant, or perhaps even acting like an a-hole right now.
I know that you may feel resentful, rejected, lonely, disappointed, abandoned, or emotionally abused. You are TOTALLY RIGHT in feeling upset about your love life. I have definitely been there many times myself. So when you go in to find something to appreciate about your partner, it may be very difficult to see anything that is positive right now. I get it.
So what to do with the upset?
Here’s what: For your own sake I want you to set it aside for just a few minutes. Let your resentment and upset go for a moment. Do this as a gift to yourself first and foremost.
Being self-righteous and angry is like pouring poison into your brain—you are the one who is suffering. Not your partner. So let’s take a break from “being right” so that YOU can be happy with your love life.
First, take a look at the definition of “appreciation.” Most dictionaries give four different meanings. Then underneath each one, I’ve put some questions to ask yourself about your partner— in the spirit of real honesty.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things. Which of your partner’s qualities did you fall in love with? What value does he or she bring to your life? What is the magnitude of his or her wisdom or contribution to your well-being and happiness?
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one. If you were a perfectly loving parent to your partner, how would you judge him or her? How do your partner’s best friends perceive him or her?
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things. Which of your partner’s qualities did you fall in love with? What value does he or she bring to your life? What is the magnitude of his or her wisdom or contribution to your well-being and happiness?
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one. If you were a perfectly loving parent to your partner, how would you judge him or her? How do your partner’s best friends perceive him or her?
3. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
What is the most alluring or beautiful thing about your partner?
What is the most delicate attractive quality in your partner?
What is something you used to be crazy about in your partner that you take for granted now?
4. A rise in value or price, especially over time.
How have things gotten better in your relationship?
How could your love life improve in the coming years? If your partner kept growing as a person, what would he or she be like in a year? Five years?
Pay attention to the positives answers that come to mind. Can you imagine how great your love life would be in one year? Five years? If you kept growing in appreciation and gratitude for all the small and big things in your relationship, what would you be like in a year? Five years?
If it feels more complicated than that and you’d like to learn how to make your love life deepen so that you have more closeness, appreciation and gratitude just let me know.
I will set you up with a free session by phone or Skype with an expert Love Mentor who can help you work towards the love life you really want.
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