She took a deep breath—and a long gulp of Moscato—before she launched into her sad story: My 29-year-old friend hadn't had s3x with her husband in six weeks. And before that sole three-minute-long tumble between the sheets, which she initiated, it had been another eight weeks since her husband touched her. "I don't think we're in a s3x slump anymore," she said. "I think our s3x life is just dead."
When this woman and her husband first tied the knot, it was normal to do the deed three times a week, she said. But life happened—and five years later, their s3x life had seriously slowed down. "I didn't even notice it at first," she said. "We were still having s3x, so it was OK that it wasn't as often."
But eventually, the gaps in between stretched so long that she couldn't remember the last time they'd had s3x. "Instead of days, I was counting weeks, and then months," she said. She tried to revive the physical aspect of her relationship, buying lingerie, sending sexts, and initiating night after night. "Sometimes it worked," she said, "but more often, there was some kind of excuse. He was too tired, or he was too stressed to keep it up if things got going."
Eventually, she said, "I just stopped trying."
S3x slumps are sometimes—unfortunately!—a normal happenstance of a long-term relationship. Stress, health issues, or even just boredom can creep in and turn regular s3x into here-and-there lovemaking. But when you go several weeks or even months in a row without physical intimacy, that could signal more than a slump—it could mean your relationship is hanging on by a thread. In that case, it's time to have a serious talk, and maybe even bring in a therapist to find the underlying issue.
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